Perfectionism. Every since I was very young, I always wanted to put my best foot forwards. This began as an advantage in my childhood. My hands were always clean, my hair was as neat as it could be given the mess of blond curls I was given, my printing in school was exemplary, I dressed smartly given that my classmates were still in the stage of wearing Cinderella costumes, and I kept my school folders organized. I strived to impress everyone around me, be it my parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches etc. However, as I grew up, I believe this quality became negative. Being in a judged sport such as synchronized swimming, I was constantly searching for that perfect, but unachievable 10/10, this mentality transferred over to my education. I second guessed every word I wrote in essays, butchering my flow, and if I got a bad mark back I would fret the rest of the semester. I could not accept failure, as perfectionism took hold of me, crippling me and my mental health.
This year, I have made it my goal to look after my self a little bit more. I have been challenging myself to take everything one step at a time and find balance in my life. I coach twelve year old girls. They are so incredibly impressionable at their age and I have stepped into my role as their mentor, and almost mother figure. I want to show them how to see the positives in everything that they do. In attempting to achieve this, I am learning myself. I am slowly learning how to embrace my "free spirited" personality, a side of me that I have suppressed for a very long time.
In the following photograph, taken using a two-to-one studio lighting method, I have captured the side of me that I present to the world: Serious, critical behind a mask of confidence, inquisitive, and focussed on wanting to be "perfect".
In the following three photographs, I have attempted to capture my more "wild", bubbly, and "free spirited" nature, beneath the surface of the above photo. I took these photographs using the two-to-one studio lighting technique as well.
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